Who are the most selfish people you know? I am going with babies. They only care about themselves. It doesn’t matter how tired mom and dad are or what time of the night it happens to be, they let you know they are unhappy and they want the situation corrected immediately. It doesn’t help matters that their only form to communicate that something’s amiss, is continuous screaming at the top of their lungs.
And when that screaming alarm goes off; mom and/or dad come running, especially new mom’s and dad’s, and they are expected to know what is wrong. Hence, the presumption and expectation of entitlement is created before that precious little baby can even talk.
Other than bouncing a restaurant spoon off a lady’s head at 18 months old, I think I was a pretty good child. However, during the struggles of my adolescent and teenage years, I could make the slightest inconvenience into a monumental catastrophe.
For example, being locked up in a classroom during a beautiful sunny day only to have my after school activities cancelled due to a violent thunderstorm would ruin my evening. As a teenager, having a weekend ski trip canceled because there was not enough snow and/or it was too warm for snow making, was a disaster of epic proportions. I could turn normal everyday struggles into suffering, and I made it clear to anyone who would listen. To make matters worse, my mom would respond with “offer it up”.
The idiom “offer it up” can have different meanings depending on the situation and your upbringing. In this situation, my mom was saying to offer up my disappointment as a sacrifice to God. She raised us as she was raised, in a religion where sacrificing would give you more points to get into heaven. She meant well but it wasn’t until later in life where I learned that getting into heaven had nothing to do with “offering it up”. The Bible makes it pretty clear that it is solely because of our faith in Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross that purchased our salvation and not because of any works of our own.
I think the hardest years for parents and their teenage children is that transition period from entitlement behavior to emotional maturity. Sometimes it takes much longer for others.
Unfortunately, it takes some poor souls forever.
Here are a few examples:
I refer to Southwest Airlines as the “miracle airline”. It’s amazes me to witness 10-12 wheelchair bound people lined up for pre-board, only to find 2-3 of them still requiring wheelchair assistance to depart the plane after arriving at the destination. If all of those people truly needed wheelchairs at the beginning of the flight, that’s a miraculous outcome.
Many years ago, I was a relatively new member of a car club that would organize overnight road trips from time to time. As our fairly large group was checking into a hotel, club members Sam and Sally (not their actual names) returned from their room and made a very big scene about their less than satisfactory accommodations. Their behavior was over the top and embarrassing. They were quickly upgraded to a nicer room at no extra charge. I didn’t realize this was their modus operandi until I witnessed it again a few months later on another road trip. If my memory serves me correctly, “physically fit” Steve and Sally also had handicap tags on their highly horse powered vehicle.
A family member was telling me about his former boss’ wife. Let’s call her Lisa. Lisa’s husband is an extremely successful entrepreneur and they own a home in one of the most sought after neighborhoods in Connecticut. Lisa lives a very luxurious lifestyle. She has never had to work since becoming married, she drives a top of the line Mercedes Benz and she takes lavish trips abroad with her girlfriends. She even has a “she- house”. Yes you read that correctly, not a she-shed but an actual she-house! She demanded her husband purchase the house next door so that she could have her quiet time for when she was unhappy with him or needed space to think. Lisa takes “high maintenance” to another level.
Sam and Sally were well into their 50’s and still acted like teenagers who thought the world owed them. Lisa is late 40’s and her husband’s wealth has convinced her she is entitled to all the happiness his money can buy her. Entitlement is not restricted to people of wealth. What about the able bodied adults using wheelchairs to get preferred seating on an airplane? Obviously, it wasn’t wealth that created their entitlement because they would have flown “1’st Class” on a full service airline. Although all these poor souls have physically grown and increased in intelligence over the years, their emotional attitudes of expectations and entitlements have not advanced since their infancy.
Fortunately, most of us self-discover some time during our high school years or certainly by college age, that we are not the center of the world. Although self-focus is still our priority, we come to understand society does not exist to provide us a living, or guarantee us pleasure and happiness. We understand we have to work for what we want in life, with setbacks and struggles being part of the process. If we are fortunate enough to be Americans, we learn in the U.S. Declaration that “Pursuit of Happiness” is an “Inalienable Right” but not a guarantee.
Expectation might lead to Entitlement
but that’s not Happiness
Merriam-Webster defines happiness as a state of well-being and contentment. Therefore, Americans have an inalienable right to pursue well-being and contentment. What does that mean? For some it may be a lot of material things. People can spend a life time pursuing happiness trying to acquire stuff, going from one hobby to another, reaching for one brass ring after another. They are like “Lisa” mentioned above. She is looking for happiness in lavish vacations to Europe, driving luxurious vehicles, living in the most sought after zip code, and having her very own she-house. I do not personally know this Lisa person, but I am pretty certain Lisa has not found “happiness”. In lieu of envying Lisa, we should pray that she self-discovers that everything she is chasing is temporal.
In the end, it is all fleeting. You can’t take it with you. I think most people come to realize that true happiness, real contentment and well-being, is achieving an inner peace that is not affected by the tribulations of daily life.
Not too long after my “spiritual awakening” I was sitting across from a very successful couple. Both husband and wife were excellent providers and they lacked for nothing. In the middle of the meal the wife said you are “different”. I asked “what do you mean different?”. She said “you seem at peace, you have a contentment about you”. I was no longer the “Type A” personality she had come to know. I admitted that I was at peace and I quickly changed the subject. I regret that I didn’t share the “why” because I was a new believer and fearful of the look I would see in her face when I told her I accepted Jesus as my savior. Kind of reminds you of the time Peter denied Him 3 times before the cock crowed, right?
But it wasn’t just accepting Jesus as my savior that brought me inner peace. It was “following” Him, “His Way” that produced a magnificent change in me. This world clearly teaches us that happiness is found “serving” ourselves. It is contrary to the teachings of Jesus. He clearly warns us against self-promotion in Luke 14:11 ESV “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Being Useful
Elon Musk was asked about what he attributed his success to and he answered “I just want to be useful”. I have no idea if Elon Musk honors God in his heart but becoming useful has made him a very wealthy person in this world. His same approach to being successful in this world is how we become successful in God’s world, by being useful to Him.
How do we become useful to God?
God gave us freedom of will. We can live the life we choose or we can live the life He created us for. Being useful to God requires us to submit our will to His will and allow His Holy Spirit to guide us. In order to be useful requires humility and service. Being humble and serving others is contrary to the heart of a self-serving person, it is an uncomfortable posture to them. “She-house” Lisa is not interested in being humble and she is accustomed to other people serving her.
Jesus explains the importance of humility in James 4:10 (ESV)
“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you”.
If we become humble before God, it postures our heart to be able to receive His Holy Spirit. A whole host of gifts come to us when we receive His Holy Spirit. Those gifts are individually tailored to each of us and they enable us to serve Him in a very useful manner. We learn from Jesus that it is not about being served as much as it is to serve.
In John 13: 1-7 (ESV), Jesus, the Son of God, the Savior of the World, and the Most-High shows us “the way”. Jesus took a humble posture and served His apostles by washing their feet.
If you are a non-believer, I ask you to give God a chance. Turn towards Him, be filled with His light and choose to live your life in agreement with His will. I promise you if you ask His Holy Spirit to help you with a genuine heart, He will!
If you are a believer, join me in praying for the Lisa’s, the Sam and Sally’s, and the wheelchair fakers of this world. In lieu of hoping they get what they deserve, let’s pray for their salvation. -Amen
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