There are numerous relationships…
Relationships you are thankful for,
those that are challenging and sometimes both!
Let’s agree to boil all relationships down to just two…
Internal or External
Pick a person in your life and ask yourself…
is your relationship internal or external?
For example, I heard a story of man who had a business partner and they remained friends years after they sold the company. Although they were business partners for 20 years and their friendship continued many years after; his business partner and friend passed away. He was grieved by his loss and that he never really knew the man. Originally their conversations centered on their business.
During their retirement years the conversations were about sports, politics, and the occasional family catch-up. But the gentleman felt slighted that his business partner and friend never shared conversations beyond scratching the surface. While he shared his personal thoughts, his friend never reciprocated beyond polite conversation.
I was previously married and I thought the relationship I had with my former wife was normal. We laughed together, we made plans together, we discussed important matters but she rarely shared her deepest thoughts with me. On one afternoon after almost 30 years of marriage, she pulled out a box of all the holiday and birthday cards we had given to each other. Until that moment, I never noticed that in each of all my cards to her; I always wrote a paragraph or two professing my love for her. All of her cards to me were no more than one or two short sentences and mostly just the words “I love you very much”. I thought the relationship of my former marriage was normal as I had nothing to compare it to until I remarried. Now I am thankful to have a woman who is my closest confidant, my best friend, and loyal advocate. We share everything and it is not uncommon for us to finish each other’s sentences. I didn’t realize at the time, but my relationship with my first wife was external. We never really knew each other and we did not have that internal connection.
A close friend of mine has two grown children. As with most parents, this person fiercely loves both children. But the conversations with each is very telling and it is clear that the relationship with one is “internal” while the other is “external”. The conversations of the external relationship are what I characterize as surface or catch-up conversations.
They cover all the usual topics regarding weather, grandchildren, health, sports, the economy, and challenges that come with the day-to-day grind. The conversations never go deep into topics about God, politics, or other core life topics. They are the type of conversation you could easily have with a co-worker or an acquaintance.
These external conversations are a stark contrast compared to the internal conversations with the other grown child. Yes, the conversations initially cover the catch-up list but eventually they dive into meaningful life topics when time permits. And even though they do not always agree, the internal connection gives my friend a peaceful contentment and it is a pleasure to witness.
All parents of adult children would be blessed to have this type of internal relationship. Wouldn’t it be nice to have an internal relationship with all the loved ones in our life? Relationships of peace and not drama.
Before you mentally start noting each of your relationships as internal or external, I would like to get to the most important relationship. Which adjective would you use to describe your relationship with God, internal or external? Is God a distant deity to you that you ask for help and favors when the need arises or is He your Father whose presence you seek?
Here is an old adage…seek His presence before you seek His presents. An internal relationship is about spending time with each other, enjoying each other’s presence. A relationship based on asking for favors or presents, is an external one.
Of all God’s creations; the moon, the stars, the universe, the mountains and the seas, the animals and plants, the amazing beauty of this world; God chose one creation to be in His likeness and that is us! It is not a coincidence. He wants us to be in a relationship with Him. He did not create us to be distant from Him. He wants the relationship to be true, with love and free will. That’s why it is important for us to seek His “presence” before seeking His “presents”.
The LORD is near to all who call on Him,
Psalm 145:18 (ESV)
to all who call on Him in truth.
God wants you to speak to Him about everything. I believe He yearns for it. This verse tells us He is always near and He requires we be truthful. Perhaps another way of saying it is that He wants us to be genuine. When a person is genuine, they speak freely from their heart. Not from a heart that is guarded but a totally open heart. An open heart allows us to be turned towards Him and to receive His light.
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