When you are focused on someone who has hurt or angered or offended you in any way, you are succumbing to your human emotions. Emotions are a big part of being human. It’s okay to have emotions, but it is not okay to let your emotions have you.

 “A man without self-control is like a city
broken into and left without walls”
–Proverbs 25:28 (ESV). 

Emotions are the most basic human condition—and the most untrustworthy. Merriam-Webster defines emotion as “a conscious mental reaction (such as anger and fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body; a state of feeling; a disturbance.” 

Emotions are feelings, and feelings can be fickle. 

Unchecked emotions drive people to extremes. People overeat, overspend, get overly angry, and become offended over the smallest things. In many cases they lack the awareness and discipline to practice discernment and exert control. That is why the devil loves emotionally immature people. Unchecked emotions are the devil’s playground. The devil is cunning, and if we are not in control of our emotions, he uses them against us, constantly seeking to interfere in our relationship with God.

The devil has two main purposes. The first is to keep us from going to heaven and living throughout eternity in the home of God our Father. If the devil can’t succeed at that, then he works tirelessly to interfere with the life God intended for us in this physical world. I think the latter is where the devil is most successful. There are probably many beings in heaven who lived decent lives yet never achieved the fulfilled life God intended for them during their journey through this physical world. 

I have heard that more than 65 percent of Americans live paycheck to paycheck. Sadly, I believe a much greater number of people live their lives from emotion to emotion.

It’s sad to watch the roller-coaster ride of individuals who live by their emotions. In the past, people used to vent in private conversations, on the phone, or by email. Now they use social media to post their emotions for the world to see. How can one hear God—much less live the life he intended for them—when they are too busy throwing rocks of anger? Learning to forgive in an unforgiving world can be a monumental task. In order to be able to forgive, we must be in “control” of our emotions.

 “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty,
and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city”
Proverbs 16:32

The Importance of Learning to Forgive

And then Jesus does the double down

For if you forgive others their trespasses, 
your heavenly Father will also forgive you,
but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, 
neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
– Matthew 6: 14-15

During the “rookie phase” of my believing years, that was a pretty tall order. I used to have a high sense of justice. Well, sometimes I still do, but I am working on it. If you wronged any of my family, friends, or especially myself; there was no forgiveness in my heart. You were on my black list. Thankfully, God started working on my heart, but I found this forgiveness stuff to be practically impossible. It didn’t go well with my nature. Quietly, and sometimes not so quietly, I would give someone a piece of my mind. I was a proud person (pride causes a lot of sin). I wanted to be forgiven, but asking me to forgive that offensive guy who just cut me off and caused me to miss the traffic light was asking a whole heck of a lot.

Resentment Is Like Taking Poison and
Waiting for the Other Person To Die
-Anonymous

Forgiveness is tough work for new believers and I was failing at it miserably. So I figured I would change the words of the Lord’s Prayer. Seriously, this “adolescent” believer decided he could change the words of the Lord’s Prayer to do a work around on the whole forgiveness thing. I changed the prayer from forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us to “forgive me my trespasses, and help me to forgive those who trespass against me.”  

At the time, I thought it was ingenious. I could still be forgiven while asking God to “help” me forgive others. God, being very fond of me, smiled and shook his head. From that point on, He gave me a ton of more opportunities to practice my forgiveness! I am much better at forgiving now, and I am back to saying the Our Father the way Jesus taught it. Do I still have relapses? Absolutely! But I quickly catch myself. My life has become so much better for it. I am a much happier person.  

The caveat to this whole “forgiveness” business

It is not uncommon for Christians to attribute traditional sayings to the Bible. Case in point – I have heard it said many times and a few times in Bible study where someone states “the Bible instructs us to forgive and forget”. Nowhere in the Bible will you find it stating to both “forgive and forget”. If you have a bookkeeper who embezzled money from the company; Jesus tells you to forgive them for their offense. But nowhere does Jesus say to you to forget the offense and allow them continued access to the checkbook. Forgiving someone for an offense is required but allowing them the opportunity to steal from you again is just foolish. One does not allow a convicted pedophile to work in a day care center.

Learning to forgive does not have to be a struggle.

Why is it so easy for some Christians to forgive while it is a struggle for others? The best answer I can give is that forgiving believers are more interested in their relationship with God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit rather than getting back at the offending party. In lieu of retribution, a forgiving believer will ask God to heal the offending person’s mind and their heart.

Many years ago, I experienced a situation wherein a family member 20 years my junior was disrespectful to me. I was hurt, to say the least, and it bothered me a great deal. When I explained the incident to a friend he suggested, “Given the age of your family member, maybe you should give-em a mulligan.”

I think the Holy Spirit was probably reaching out to me in that conversation, but the event was still too fresh, and I had allowed the emotion of anger to rule me. For weeks I carried that burr under my saddle, until one day I was studying the Bible and came upon this scripture:

Be kind and compassionate to one another, 
forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
– Ephesians 4:32

Sometimes when a nudge doesn’t do the trick, the Holy Spirit smacks you upside the head. I felt ashamed and convicted. If Jesus could forgive me for my tsunami of sins, I certainly could let the insolence of that young adult pass.

Katherine Ponder said, “When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” 

Instead of wasting time being angry or unforgiving, it’s best to forgive and move on. It’s hard to turn your face toward God and be filled with his light when you are trying to get even with someone. Louis B. Smedes said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

As a believer, it is totally unnecessary to carry resentment and bitterness for people who have wronged us. Jesus makes it pretty clear that God will deal with the offenders:

Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come,
but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!
– Matthew 18:17 (KJV)

Free yourself from being unforgiving, leave it at Jesus’ feet on the cross and turn towards God, and be filled with His light!

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