To get a break from university life, Tommy drove the short 2.5 hours from Villanova back to his family home in Potomac, Maryland. His plan was simple: surprise his mom and dad and enjoy some quiet time together. What he didn’t know was that his parents were away for a golf weekend in North Carolina.
As soon as Tommy stepped inside, he sensed something was wrong. The oriental carpets in the living and dining rooms had been rolled up. Furniture was pushed into the corners, and some of his mom’s favorite vases were carefully bubble-wrapped. The dogs were locked in the basement. Though there were no signs of forced entry, Tommy immediately suspected he had interrupted a burglary.
To his relief, the police arrived quickly. The female officer walked through the house and paused. “This doesn’t look like a burglary,” she said. “It looks more like someone was preparing for a party.” She asked if Tommy had any younger siblings. “Yes,” he replied, “my brother Timmy is a senior in high school—he should have been home by now.”
After a thorough inspection with the officers, they confirmed that all the TVs, sterling silver, and his mother’s jewelry remained untouched. This was clearly not a botched burglary. About an hour after the police left, Timmy pulled into the garage with his truck bed sporting a beer keg and several bags of ice.
Timmy was not happy when Tommy shut down his plans. Instead of agreeing to join in on the merrymaking, Tommy gave his younger brother three clear orders:
- Cancel the party.
- Put the house back in order.
- Confess everything to Mom and Dad—but after they return from their golf trip.
Timmy objected, insisting he had been responsible by “party-proofing” the house. Tommy pushed back, pointing out the real irresponsibility:
- providing a venue for underage drinking
- putting the family home and pets at risk
- exposing their parents to potential financial ruin if anything went wrong with the guests.
Tommy reminded Timmy of the sacrifices their parents had made to provide a beautiful, stable home—the mortgage, property taxes, utilities, and maintenance all covered by them. Yet Timmy had chosen to honor the fleeting friendships of high school classmates over honoring his own parents. It was a clear breach of the Fourth Commandment: “Honor your father and your mother.”
You might be wondering how two brothers raised in the same home by the same loving parents could turn out so differently. The short answer is: free-will. Even with amazing role models, God gives each of us the freedom to choose our path. (I explored that idea more deeply in an earlier post, “Three Sons, Three Paths.”)
This post, however, focuses on a foundational truth: honoring God begins with honoring our parents.
The Ten Commandments address two core relationships. The first three focus on our vertical relationship with God. The next seven address our horizontal relationships with others. The very first of those is the Fourth Commandment—to honor our father and mother.
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’—which is the first commandment with a promise—‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’” — Ephesians 6:1-3
In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul outlines God’s design for family relationships. It centers on authority, obedience, and responsibility. God calls children to obey their parents just as we are all called to obey Him. And this obedience carries a promise: a life marked by stability and blessing. It’s not a magical guarantee of long life, but a principle—honoring authority leads to order and flourishing.
- Rebellion often produces chaos.
- Honor produces order.
Key message: God’s design for the family is intimately tied to human flourishing.
But Obedience Changes with Age
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” — Genesis 2:24
As we mature and leave home to start our own families, submission to parents naturally transitions into primary obedience to God. That may be why the Fourth Commandment commands honor rather than ongoing obedience. Yet while obedience shifts with age and life stage, honor never expires. Even as adults, we are called to show our parents:
- Respect
- Value
- Care
Key message: Obedience may change with age, but honor does not.
Timmy’s actions were disrespectful and dishonorable, as his older brother rightly pointed out. But what if you were not blessed with parents like Tommy and Timmy’s? What if your parents were far from ideal—or even hurtful?
The Fourth Commandment comes with no caveats or expiration date. God doesn’t qualify it based on how “good” our parents were. If He sovereignly chose them to bring you into this world, honoring them is one of the most direct ways you can honor Him.
You are not obligated to obey every instruction they give, especially if it conflicts with God’s truth. But you can always choose honor—through respect, gratitude, boundaries rooted in love, and prayer for their hearts. In doing so, you reflect the heart of our Heavenly Father, who honors us far beyond what we deserve. Turn your heart toward Him, the source of all wisdom, and allow His peace to fill you. When we walk in His light, even the smallest steps become sacred.
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