Sara is a composite character based on the experiences of several people.
Names, locations, and identifying details have been changed.

Sara’s story raises a question every Christian must eventually confront: How can we know God’s will without confusing His guidance with our own feelings and desires?

Sara left her husband after thirty-two years of marriage.

For many years, she had endured verbal abuse. Her husband’s treatment of her had also influenced their grown son, who loved his mother but often showed her the same lack of respect he had witnessed from his father.

When Sara’s best friend offered her a place to stay, she believed God had answered her prayers. She quit her job and moved nearly five thousand miles—from New York to Hawaii—to begin a new life.

At first, the decision must have felt like deliverance.

After several months, Sara decided to find a place of her own. But Hawaii is expensive, and she still had no income. She began withdrawing money from her 401(k) to pay her living expenses and divorce attorney.

Her attorney encouraged her to find at least part-time employment, but Sara did not believe she was ready. She reasoned that it would be unfair to accept a job when her heart was not in the work. Besides, she expected to receive a substantial divorce settlement and possibly alimony.

As the months passed, Sara grew lonely and adopted a cat. She believed God had placed the cat in her life to provide the companionship she needed.

There was nothing inherently wrong with adopting a cat. Nor was there anything wrong with needing time to recover from a painful marriage. But each decision made her financial situation more difficult, while every desire and circumstance continued to be interpreted as evidence of God’s guidance.

But had God truly directed each of these decisions? Or had Sara followed her feelings and then attached God’s name to the choices she wanted to make?

When Relief Feels Like God’s Direction

Sara is not a bad person. She is a hurting person who made one enormously difficult decision followed by a series of smaller ones.

Removing herself from an abusive environment may have been necessary and wise. God did not design marriage to give one spouse permission to humiliate, intimidate, or mistreat the other. Seeking safety is not the same as casually abandoning a marriage.

The question is not whether Sara should have continued submitting herself to verbal abuse. The question is whether every choice she made afterward was truly directed by God.

Leaving danger and moving toward wisdom are not always the same decision.

Sometimes the first step is necessary, but the steps that follow are driven by exhaustion, fear, resentment, or the desire to escape responsibility. Because those choices bring temporary relief, we may mistake that relief for the peace of God.

But feeling relieved does not prove that God has spoken.

Jonah was able to sleep aboard a ship while running from God. Jesus was deeply distressed in Gethsemane while walking in perfect obedience to His Father. Emotional peace may accompany obedience, but it is not an infallible test of God’s will. Biblical peace is not merely the absence of distress; it comes from being anchored in God during life’s storms

Our feelings are real, but they are not sovereign.

The Danger of Spiritual Rationalization

Sara described nearly every development as something God had arranged: the invitation to Hawaii, the apartment, the cat, and eventually the opportunity to live with her father.

Perhaps God graciously provided for her in some of those circumstances. He often cares for us even while we are making imperfect decisions. But God’s provision should not automatically be interpreted as God’s endorsement of every choice that brought us there.

An open door is not necessarily an invitation from God. Sometimes it is merely an available door.

Likewise, a closed door does not always mean that God has forbidden us to proceed. It may mean that obedience will require patience, perseverance, sacrifice, or hard work.

Spiritual rationalization occurs when we decide what we want and then look for religious language to support it. We call a preference a “leading,” an opportunity a “sign,” or emotional relief “peace.”

The danger is not merely that we might make a poor decision. The greater danger is that we may place God’s name upon a decision He never directed.

So how can we know God’s will and distinguish His guidance from our own desires?

Begin With Surrender

Jesus prayed in Gethsemane:

“Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.”
—Luke 22:42

Jesus was not asking the Father to approve what He already wanted. He surrendered His desire to the Father’s will.

That is where discernment begins.

Before asking God to show us what to do, we should ask whether we are genuinely willing to obey Him. If we have already decided which answer we want, we are not seeking guidance; we are seeking confirmation.

We might pray:

“Father, expose what I am unwilling to see. Correct what is wrong in my thinking. Close the path I desire if it would lead me away from You. Give me the courage to obey even when obedience is difficult.”

The question is not simply, “What do I want?”

It is, “Am I willing for God to change what I want?”

Allow God to Reshape Your Desires

Psalm 37:4 says:

“Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

This verse is sometimes treated as a promise that God will give us whatever we desire. But the order matters: delight yourself in the Lord first.

As we grow closer to God, He changes what we love. Our desires become increasingly shaped by His character, His priorities, and His Word.

Treating God as a distant source of signs is not the same as having a relationship with Him. We do not learn His will by occasionally asking Him to validate our plans. We learn to recognize His ways by walking with Him daily.

God’s greatest desire is not merely to direct our decisions. It is to transform us into the likeness of Christ.

Test Every Desire Against Scripture

Romans 12:2 tells us:

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God.”

God’s guidance will never contradict God’s revealed Word.

Scripture may not tell us whether to move to Hawaii, accept a particular job, or adopt a cat. But it gives us principles concerning work, stewardship, responsibility, family relationships, wise counsel, truthfulness, forgiveness, and self-control.

Paul writes:

“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.”
—2 Timothy 3:16

When considering a decision, we should ask:

• Am I neglecting a responsibility God has already given me?
• Am I depending upon money I have not yet received?
• Am I rejecting wise counsel because it conflicts with what I want?
• Am I calling avoidance “healing”, or passivity “waiting on God”?
• Am I using spiritual language to excuse a decision that Scripture would call irresponsible?
• Would I reach the same conclusion if it required sacrifice instead of offering immediate relief?

If a decision repeatedly requires us to rationalize irresponsibility, reject correction, or ignore biblical wisdom, we should not claim that God is leading us into it.

Examine the Heart Honestly

Scripture warns us:

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”
—Jeremiah 17:9

We are remarkably skilled at assigning noble motives to the things we already want.

That is why David prayed:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!”
—Psalm 139:23–24

Sometimes God answers that prayer through the gift of a guilty conscience, exposing something within us that needs confession or correction.

Honest discernment requires more than asking, “Does this feel right?”

We must also ask:

• Am I acting out of faith or fear?
• Am I pursuing healing or merely escape?
• Am I protecting myself from genuine harm or avoiding an uncomfortable responsibility?
• Am I seeking what honors God or what makes life easiest for me?
• Have I considered how this decision will affect the people God has placed in my life?

We cannot examine our motives honestly while protecting them from examination.

Seek Wisdom—and Listen to It

James gives us this promise:

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach.”
—James 1:5

God may give wisdom through prayer, Scripture, mature believers, pastors, counselors, attorneys, physicians, and even practical financial advice.

Sara’s attorney advised her to find part-time employment. That advice did not sound spiritual, but it may have been the wisest counsel she received. Working could have preserved her retirement savings, brought structure to her days, reduced her isolation, and restored a measure of independence.

Sometimes God’s direction arrives through ordinary wisdom rather than an extraordinary sign.

“Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” —Proverbs 15:22

Wise counsel should not replace Scripture or the Holy Spirit, but neither should it be dismissed simply because it challenges our feelings.

Consider the Fruit Over Time

Galatians 5:22–23 describes the fruit of the Spirit as:

“Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.”

These qualities do not mean that every Spirit-led decision will produce immediate comfort or favorable circumstances. Obedience may initially involve grief, uncertainty, opposition, or sacrifice.

The fruit of the Spirit is primarily the character God develops within us—not a guarantee that every decision will work out easily.

Over time, however, we can ask:

• Is this path making me more truthful or more dependent upon rationalization?
• Am I becoming more responsible or less responsible?
• Is it producing humility and teach-ability, or defensiveness and blame?
• Am I growing in faithfulness and self-control?
• Is this decision helping me love God and others more faithfully?
• Can mature believers who know me see evidence of spiritual growth?

Difficult circumstances do not necessarily mean we have missed God’s will. Prosperous circumstances do not necessarily mean we have found it. The deeper question is what kind of person we are becoming as we walk through them.

God’s Guidance Is More Than a Feeling

I do not know everything that was happening in Sara’s heart, and I do not want to judge her. Leaving a thirty-two-year marriage could not have been easy. The verbal abuse was real, and she may have needed to remove herself from that environment.

But after making that painful decision, it appears that she began following the path of immediate relief. Walking on distant beaches felt freeing. Remaining unemployed felt necessary. Spending her retirement savings felt temporary. Depending upon a future settlement felt reasonable. Moving in with her father eventually became another example of divine provision.

Each choice could be explained. Together, however, they formed a troubling pattern.

Her story reminds us how easily our desires can speak in a voice that sounds spiritual—especially when they tell us exactly what we want to hear.

Knowing God’s requires more than looking for signs or following feelings. It requires surrender, Scripture, prayer, honest self-examination, wise counsel, responsible action, and a willingness to be corrected.

We should pray for Sara. We should pray for her husband, whose treatment of her helped create this brokenness. We should also pray for her son, who learned a destructive way of relating to his mother and now needs to recognize it, repent of it, and change.

Most of all, we should allow Sara’s story to turn the question toward ourselves:

Have I sincerely asked God for His will—or have I decided what I want and asked Him to approve it?

Too many people seek God’s presents without first learning to enjoy His presence. But when we walk closely with Him, His Word renews our minds, His Spirit transforms our character, and His wisdom teaches us to recognize the difference between His leading and our own desires.

Take the time to know Him.

He loves us very much.

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