What would other people think?
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. – Galatians 1:10
I recently watched The Good House, starring Sigourney Weaver and Kevin Kline. Weaver plays an aging real estate broker in a small but affluent New England fishing town. Kline plays a successful local entrepreneur who owns several businesses.
During an embarrassing moment, Weaver’s character asks:
“What will other people think?”
And I thought to myself, There it is.
Her character is much like the rest of us. People want to belong, and because we want to belong, we care deeply about what other people think.
For many people, the opinions of others become the gauge by which they measure their lives.
Why?
Because that is how we are wired—and often how we were raised.
Learning to Fear the Opinions of Others
It frequently begins with our parents.
Two familiar phrases have been used for generations to shame children or correct their behavior:
“What will other people think?”
Or, even worse:
“You don’t want people thinking you come from that family.”
You can fill in the blank with the name of the troubled family from your neighborhood.
Parents certainly have a responsibility to correct their children. Children need discipline, boundaries, consequences, and guidance. However, outward punishment alone cannot transform an inward condition.
Bad behavior ultimately comes from the heart.
Discipline may temporarily restrain a child’s actions, but fear does not create righteousness. We do not merely want children to behave because they are afraid of punishment. We want them to learn what is right and desire to do it.
The same principle applies to adults. If punishment alone could change the human heart, prisons would produce permanently reformed people. That does not mean consequences are unnecessary. I firmly believe people should be held accountable for their actions.
But accountability and heart transformation are not the same thing.
Human beings can restrain behavior. Only God can transform a heart.
Should We Stop Caring What People Think?
Returning to the movie, when Weaver’s character expresses her fear about what other people will think, Kline’s character responds:
“Why would you care what other people think? You shouldn’t.”
I agreed with him—but for a different reason.
The Good House is a secular movie. God is not part of the conversation, and most of its characters certainly do not live godly lives. Kline’s character is essentially telling her, “You are a grown woman. You do not need to make your choices according to the judgment of other people.”
Before my spiritual awakening, I might have said the same thing.
I have always been something of an odd duck. I rarely surrendered to peer pressure, but perhaps that is simply how I was wired. It may even have been a self-preservation mechanism. I treated almost everyone like a used-car salesman until I became convinced I could trust them.
Perhaps that explains why I can use my fingers on one hand to count my closest friends. 😊
Since my spiritual awakening, however, my answer has changed:
Why should the opinions of other people control your life when God is your final Judge?
Why would we submit our wills to other created beings while ignoring the Creator Himself?
That does not mean we should never listen to anyone. God can use pastors, friends, family members, and fellow believers to correct us. Wise counsel is a gift. But there is a tremendous difference between receiving godly counsel and allowing the fear of human disapproval to govern our lives.
Following the crowd will not save us. Following our own desires will not save us either.
Both paths place human judgment above God’s authority.
That presents us with a much deeper question: If neither pleasing other people nor pleasing ourselves can save us, what can?
The Gospel Is the Good News
In his letters, the apostle Paul repeatedly uses the word gospel.
Some people may assume Paul was referring to the four books we know as Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. However, when Paul wrote his letters, the New Testament had not yet been completed or assembled as the collection we possess today.
The Greek word translated as gospel means “good news.”
The gospel is not merely the title given to four books of the Bible. It is the good news about Jesus Christ—the promised Messiah toward whom the Old Testament points.
The good news is that:
- Jesus Christ took on human flesh.
- He lived the righteous life we could not live.
- He suffered and died for our sins.
- He rose bodily from the dead.
- He reigns as Lord and Savior.
- He offers forgiveness and eternal life to everyone who repents and believes.
Paul summarized the heart of this message:
“For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures.”—1 Corinthians 15:3–4
The gospel is not advice about how we can improve ourselves. It is the announcement of what God has done for us through Jesus Christ.
Repent and Believe
Jesus began His public ministry with this declaration:
“The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.”—Mark 1:15
To repent is more than feeling sorry about something we have done. It means turning away from sin, self-rule, and the darkness of this world and turning toward God.
To believe is more than agreeing that Jesus existed. It means trusting in what Jesus accomplished on the cross and surrendering ourselves to Him as Lord.
Even this response is not something we manufacture entirely through our own strength. God draws us, awakens us to the truth, and grants us the ability to see our need for Christ. When we repent and believe, the Holy Spirit comes to dwell within us and begins the lifelong work of transforming our hearts.
No created being can accomplish that transformation.
- Not our parents.
- Not our friends.
- Not our pastors.
- Not the government.
- Not even ourselves.
Only the Creator who formed the human heart has the power to give us a new one.
“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you.”—Ezekiel 36:26
When This World Begins to Feel Foreign
Once you enter a personal relationship with God, you no longer belong to the spirit of this world.
In fact, the more you mature spiritually, the more foreign the world’s values begin to feel. You realize that this world is not your permanent home. You are a sojourner passing through it.
Peter described believers this way:
“Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.”
—1 Peter 2:11
This transformation can be difficult for worldly friends and family members to understand. It may even cost you relationships you once cherished.
Jesus warned us:
“Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. For from now on in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.”
—Luke 12:51–53
These verses can sound harsh if we interpret them to mean that Jesus delights in dividing families.
He does not.
The division is the inevitable result of people responding differently to Him. Some choose Christ, while others remain devoted to the values of this world. Jesus is the dividing line because every person must eventually decide what to do with Him.
Guided by the Spirit of Truth
A close family member who is very religious once found it difficult to believe that I no longer live according to how other people regard me—even people I love.
I tried to explain that I no longer want other people’s opinions to govern my life. I want to submit my will to the Holy Spirit and allow Him to guide me in truth.
Jesus called the Holy Spirit the “Spirit of truth”:
“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him.”
—John 14:16–17
Sometimes I sense the Holy Spirit’s conviction as an unmistakable nudge. Most often, however, He directs me through the written Word of God.
Pastor David Guzik expresses it this way: “The truth of God is found in His Word by reading it, hearing it, understanding it, and applying it.”
I believe the Bible is God’s instruction manual—teaching us how to live faithfully in this world while preparing us for His kingdom.
Of course, we must be careful not to confuse our own desires with the leading of the Holy Spirit. God’s Spirit will never lead us in a direction that contradicts God’s written Word. The Bible provides the standard by which every feeling, impression, and “nudge” must be tested.
Lonely—but Never Alone
When you find yourself surrounded by unbelievers—even when they are family members or people you love—you may sometimes feel lonely.
But feeling lonely is not the same as being alone.
The mature believer learns to enjoy God’s presence at all times. His presence gives us a peace that does not depend upon circumstances or human approval—a peace that surpasses all understanding.
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
—Philippians 4:7
People will misunderstand us.
Some will judge us.
Others may reject us.
We should remain humble enough to receive correction and loving enough to care how our actions affect others. But we must never allow the fear of human opinion to become greater than our desire to obey God.
The question is not ultimately, “What will other people think?”
The question is:
“What does God think—and am I willing to follow Him?”
When you know you belong to Christ, the approval of the world becomes less important. You are no longer living for the applause of created beings. You are learning to live for the pleasure of your Creator.
Turn toward God and be filled with His light.
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