When weather permitted, Scott and several of his classmates would walk to school rather than wait for the bus. Leaving early gave them enough time to squeeze in an hour of basketball before the first bell.
Everyone counted on Scott to bring the basketball because his was the best—until one morning when he disagreed with an out-of-bounds call. Even his own teammates ruled against him. Scott responded by adopting the “my way or the highway” approach: He grabbed his ball and walked off.
The next morning, two of the other boys brought basketballs. Scott was no longer needed—and he was not invited to play.
He learned the hard but important lesson that sometimes you have to “go along to get along.”
Most of the time, learning to compromise is part of learning to live with other people. But when compromise becomes sin, “going along to get along” can take us somewhere we never intended to go.
The world is full of idioms encouraging people to cooperate. We are told to “strike a happy medium,” “meet in the middle,” and “give a little to get a little.” Most of the time, that is good advice. Life would be miserable if none of us were willing to bend.
During my real estate days, I often encountered stubborn sellers who expected to receive full asking price for their homes. It was not uncommon for one of them to declare, “We don’t have to sell our house.”
“Of course you don’t have to sell your house,” I would respond. “But do you want to?”
The answer was usually something like, “Yes, but we want full price.”
That was when I would offer one of my favorite idioms:
“Sometimes, Mr. and Mrs. Seller, the best trip you can make in life is meeting someone halfway.”
It worked surprisingly well.
Idioms can be an artful way of encouraging people to see things from our point of view. In the hands of a skilled negotiator, they can even tip the balance of power in a marriage.
I have a knack for choosing the most sumptuous dessert on a restaurant’s menu, which usually leads my wife perilously close to breaking the Tenth Commandment. Her raised eyebrows reveal her covetous intentions, and the “fork-fencing” begins as I attempt to protect my prized dessert from her advances.
Of course, she always wins.
She simply lowers her fork, looks me in the eye, and quietly reminds me, “Love is sharing.”
That line has worked so well for her that now she reaches across the table with her fork already homing in on my delicious delicacy and says, “Love is sharing,” as though that gives her unrestricted access to anything on my plate.
Compromise is often necessary for people to live, work, and even eat dessert together. But compromise ceases to be a virtue when meeting someone halfway requires us to take a step away from God.
We can compromise on our preferences. We cannot compromise on our obedience.
When Ordinary Compromises Become Extraordinary Dangers
Several years ago, my wife and I lived aboard our sailboat in Annapolis, Maryland. One of our neighbors was a recently divorced man in his fifties who was dating a woman twenty years younger.
One afternoon, he emerged from below deck wearing a pair of distressed jeans with intentional rips across the thighs. I couldn’t help but grimace. He looked ridiculous.
Eventually, that courtship ran its course. He later met and married a more age-appropriate woman—and returned to wearing more age-appropriate clothing.
There is something within us that wants to be accepted, especially by the people whose affection we value. That desire can influence everything from the clothes we wear to the convictions we surrender. Changing our wardrobe may be harmless. Changing our values to preserve someone’s approval is not.
The experience reminded me of a warning I once heard from Pastor One Mokgatle:
—“Ordinary compromises can become extraordinary dangers.”
The world rarely presents compromise as outright rebellion against God. Instead, it packages compromise as something harmless, reasonable, compassionate, or even necessary.
That is how it usually begins—with an ordinary compromise.
It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time
Consider Nancy who allowed her teenage son to host underage drinking parties in her home. Nancy provided the beer and helped set up the home for the events.
Her son became known as the boy with the cool mom. He easily became president of his class, and his house became the place where everyone wanted to gather.
Mom believed she had found a win-win solution—although the parents of the other teenagers had no idea she was providing this particular “service.” These kids were going to drink anyway, she reasoned, so she would give them a controlled environment where they would be safe.
Then, during one of the parties, the neighbors complained about the noise. The police arrived, and Nancy was arrested for providing alcohol to minors.
What appeared to be a practical compromise taught her son that popularity was more valuable than obedience and that rules could be ignored whenever we believed we had a good enough reason.
Perhaps it would have been better to teach him that God and those in authority sometimes establish boundaries for our protection—even when we do not yet understand or appreciate them.
Then there was Michele who gave her teenage daughter condoms because all the kids are “doing it.” She believed she was teaching responsibility and protecting her daughter from an unwanted pregnancy.
But she was also communicating something else: God’s boundaries for sexual intimacy were unrealistic and could be quietly set aside. What appeared to be a practical precaution gradually became permission.
Or consider Edward who taught his son to tell the receptionist they had a flight to catch so they could move ahead of everyone in a crowded doctor’s waiting room.
The lie seemed small, and the reward was immediate.
But what would Ed say when his son eventually lies to him for the same reason—to get what he wanted?
Ordinary compromises have a way of becoming extraordinary dangers.
The First Compromise
Perhaps we can learn something from the first recorded compromise.
God gave Adam and Eve enormous freedom in the Garden of Eden. They could eat from every tree except one. God clearly warned them not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
But the serpent presented disobedience as something reasonable and desirable. He persuaded Eve to question both God’s command and God’s goodness.
Eve ate the forbidden fruit and gave some to Adam, who was with her. Adam knew what God had commanded, yet he joined her in disobedience. Whatever reasoning passed through his mind, he chose agreement with Eve over obedience to God.
It did not end well.
Their compromise introduced shame, fear, blame, and separation from their Creator.
Perhaps that is the lesson we most need to remember. Whenever we are presented with a compromise, we should ask:
Does this choice move me toward God, or does it require me to take a step away from Him?
If we place a higher value on an earthly relationship than we place on our relationship with our Creator, how can that ever make sense?
Paul asked a similar question:
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
—Galatians 1:10
Joyce’s Choice
Joyce worked in the billing department of a company. One day, she noticed that the company’s top salesperson was over-billing a client.
At first, she assumed it was an innocent mistake. She approached the salesperson and brought it to his attention.
He told her the client was being over-billed with the employer’s knowledge.
Joyce did not believe him, so she went directly to the employer. To her dismay, he admitted that the over-billing was deliberate. He then told Joyce that it was none of her concern. Her job was simply to send the bills.
Joyce was suddenly faced with a compromise.
She could obey her employer, keep her job, and continue sending bills she knew were dishonest. Or she could obey God and refuse to participate.
Her choice might sound simple from a distance, but it was anything but simple from where she stood. Joyce and her husband’s combined salaries barely covered their expenses, and their credit-card debt exceeded $5,000. She needed the income from her job.
Resigning might mean honoring God but it would place her family in an even deeper financial hole.
The following morning, Joyce handed in her resignation. She respectfully explained that she could not knowingly participate in cheating a client.
Her willingness to resign apparently awakened her employer’s conscience. He refused to accept her resignation, credited the client for the amount they had been overcharged, and gave Joyce a small raise.
Years later, Joyce became the company’s chief financial officer.
Her obedience came with a happy ending—but Pastor One’s message was not that favorable winds and clear sailing will always follow when we choose obedience over compromise.
We will be rewarded for our obedience, but that reward may not come in this world.
Obedience Does Not Promise an Easy Life
John the Baptist confronted Herod over his unlawful marriage to his brother’s wife. John refused to remain silent merely to preserve his comfort or protect his life.
He was imprisoned and eventually beheaded for speaking the truth.
Scripture records the martyrdom of James and foretells Peter’s death, while early Christian tradition holds that many of the other apostles were also killed for their faith.
They did not obey God because obedience made their lives easier. In many cases, obedience made their earthly lives considerably harder.
They obeyed because they belonged to Jesus Christ.
That distinction is important.
We do not obey God to earn eternal life. Eternal life is His gift, received through faith in Jesus Christ. Nor is obedience a bargain in which we behave well so God will make our lives comfortable.
We obey God because we love Him.
Our relationship with God begins through His Son, Jesus Christ. As that relationship deepens, Jesus transforms our hearts. The transformation of our hearts produces the fruit of obedience—not perfectly and not without struggle, but increasingly.
Jesus said:
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.”
—John 14:15
Obedience is not the price we pay to be loved by God. It is the fruit produced by knowing that we already are.
When Should We Refuse to Compromise?
Compromise is not always wrong. Marriages, friendships, businesses, and communities could not survive without it.
The important question is not simply, “Am I being asked to compromise?”
The better question is:
Am I yielding a personal preference, or am I surrendering to a conviction from the Holy Spirit?
Scott could accept an out-of-bounds call without violating his conscience. A homeowner can negotiate a selling price without betraying God. I can share my dessert with my wife—although I remain convinced that she should restrict her fork to her plate.
But Joyce could not knowingly participate in dishonesty without compromising her obedience to God.
There is a point at which “going along to get along” goes too far.
When that moment comes, we must remember the words of Peter and the other apostles:
“We must obey God rather than men.”
—Acts 5:29
Turn toward Him. Be filled with His light. And when the world asks you to compromise what God has made clear, choose—as Joyce did—to live your life in agreement with His will.
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